Have Faith-Keep Hope-Find Love

I know, ya’ll are probably shocked. Life…hard? What? I know, it’s a crazy epiphany I had the other day. (Sarcasm- for all of you reading who don’t know me very well.) But really, think about it. Life is the ultimate balancing act. You have to juggle work, school, relationships, religion and all the many challenges life throws your way. It’s down-right hard. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. Am I saying that you can’t enjoy it? No. Am I saying you can’t gain fulfillment through it? Absolutely not. I believe whole-heartedly that God gave me this earthly life because it serves a purpose to my soul. I mean, think about it- if it wasn’t important for us to be here and learn all the things this life has to teach us, God would have let us all just spend eternity with Him from the get-go. 

Although I’ve shed many, and I mean MANY, tears over this circus I call my life the last few months, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have lots of things in my life that are hanging in the balance-situations and questions that I don’t have an answer to right at this moment. And it scares me. A lot. But here’s the thing, God knew this would happen. He showed me in Matthew 5 that He knows that it is in my nature to worry but He also told me to realize that He will take care of me. He knows what I need and He will provide. In Philippians 4, He tells me to take my anxiety to Him in prayer. He knows that the best way for me to deal with my anxiety and worry is to bring it to Him and lean on Him in my time of need. So, why do I try to do it on my own all the time? How ignorant is that? Why would I put all of this stress on my shoulders when my God is right there waiting for me to see that He has His arms outstretched wanting to help me carry it?

Maybe I’m just rambling and maybe I’m only making sense in my own head, but these are thoughts that I knew I had to get out. I think we can all relate to worry and stress. It may not be the same things that we all worry about. For some it may be money or relationships or family, but it’s all the same in that it can be taken to God. Our Father wants to help us. He made us to search for Him, to have needs that He can fulfill. It is up to me pass the worries I’m juggling to Him and allow Him to put them in perfect balance. 

So, it happened… he popped the question! It’s been a week and I think it has finally set in! I’m so happy. When it happened, I couldn’t believe it was real. I had no idea it was coming and I loved it that way! It was spontaneous and low-key and so… us. This wonderful surprise was just what I needed to ease some stress and help me put a smile back on my face. I am so in love with Eric Collins and I cannot wait to start my life with him. I thank God every day for putting him in my life- He definitely knows just what I need. 

Never doubt. Trust. God will provide. 

So, yeah. Being a college graduate has not been all that exciting so far, actually it has been fairly stressful. Let’s see… I had to pack up my entire life (aka, my room in the apartment), say a very tearful goodbye to my boyfriend, and drive 4 1/2 hours back to the amazingly uneventful state of Illinois. And to add to all that, we had to rearrange my aunt’s whole house yesterday so that everyone would have somewhere to sleep and I still don’t have a job opportunity to speak of. Not that I’m complaining or anything… ;) I mean, its not all bad- I have gotten to spend time with the fam, see people at church that I haven’t seen in a while and hang out with my brother and bestie, Vanessa. So this whole transition is is very bittersweet- although pretty heavy on the bitter. 

As all of these thoughts and events and emotions are circling my head, its caused a lot of reflection on my part. (When I actually have time to stop and think, that is.) I have had a couple of long nights. Thinking about the fact that I can’t spend time with Eric has been very depressing. Eric is a lot of things to me. He keeps my head on straight when all it wants to do is go every other direction. He tells me everything is going to be okay when I am absolutely convinced that it’s not going to be. He holds me when I cry so long, I don’t think I can cry anymore. He always helps me remember to rely on God in the good and bad times. Basically he’s my rock- not in the all inclusive way, because obviously only God can do that- but he is definitely my rock in every way that is humanly possible. He keeps me going when all I want to do is come to a dead stop. How blessed am I? I talk to friends about their relationships and although they are trying so very hard to find that one person who makes them happy and helps them in their walk on this earth, they just haven’t found it yet. I have got to learn not to take this for granted. So, although it sucks that we can only communicate via text message, phone calls and skype, I will be reunited with him again. I will get to hold his hand, hug him and get a kiss from the man I love and plan to spend my life with and I should never forget the sweetness of those opportunities.  

I guess I say all of this to prove a similar point as in my last post- God has a plan for me- for all of his children. Life may be rocky so far in this transitional period but if I have faith in His plan and His love for me, I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. He has a provided me a way of escape and I can’t help but to think that Eric is part of that way. I will make it through this summer. And I will thank God every day for putting Eric in my life and blessing me in that and many other ways. 

So, that title might be slightly dramatic- don’t judge me. But for real, life as I know it at the moment is very interesting. Everything is changing. As of 20 minutes ago, I am no longer an undergraduate college student. Weird. This place and lifestyle has been my life for the last four years and I constantly find myself wondering how I’m going to function without it. But, I’m going on to pursue bigger and better things (I hope) and it’s very scary. I’m not saying this to downgrade how blessed I am, because I am definitely just that. I have so many things going for me- I’m about to graduate, I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me more than I could ever imagine, I get to spend time with my wonderful family this summer and I have a God who cares for me more than words can express… I am, without a doubt, blessed. But isn’t that easy to forget sometimes? At times, I find myself so focused on the negatives- the things that don’t go exactly the way that I want them to- that I forget to thank God for everything that he HAS given me. To be quite blunt, this is totally unacceptable. God gives me breath every morning, surrounds me with people that love me and gives me amazing opportunities every day. Now it’s my turn to take advantage of everything I have and use it to the fullest. As my blog title goes, “Have faith, keep hope and find love”-although I’ve got the ‘find love’ part down (yeah, that was for you, Eric ;)), I’m going to continue to fight hard to live up to those words…